#173 A series of unfortunate events

First, my uncle was charged by a bull and broke/injured his hip bone. (not really sure what happened but it was really ridiculous. a bull???!) Next, my grandma got cysts? in her liver and water got into her lungs. Now, my great grandpa tried to commit suicide by drinking pesticide. My uncle and grandma are recuperating now. What happened to my great grandpa was just this morning and they're "cleaning" his insides now in the hospital. His chances are vague since the pesticide probably burnt his insides badly and he's 92 this year?

At first I couldnt fathom why people would try to end their own lives. Isnt it a tad too selfish of them? There are people who care. People who love them. But then my great grandpa is really old. And lonely. My great grandma died about 7 years ago. What is really ridiculous is that he could still drive his motorcycle to my other uncle's house and told him he drank pesticide because he couldnt sleep. He kept having trouble sleeping. When I heard this from my mother I was like O_O *jaws dropped*.

Im the worst with words. Im the worst at expressing how I feel. I just eat or cry or sleep. 

My mum was on the phone with my grandma just now. She told her we celebrated my birthday yesterday because they would be away in Malaysia on the actual day. She passed the phone to me and I supposed my grandma was going to wish me a happy birthday. Emotions were choking me when I took the phone but I told myself I would sound fine. Then my grandma told me she was within hell's grip (刚从鬼门关爬出来) and I broke. I couldnt speak so I just urged my mum to take the phone.

It was so embarrassing. My mum saw me crying like some overgrown baby. I felt stupid. Im just glad my grandma is alright now.

Then my mum told me that useless brother of hers, (she said it) at least has the heart to call my grandma everyday. Twice a day in fact. She said she cannot stand how they have to quarrel whenever they talk to each other. I said but he still calls her everyday anyway. And that's really quite sweet.

I remember this CNY when we went back to Malaysia for a visit, I tried to touch/hold my great grandpa's hand subtlety. He looked so frail and I was afraid. I am not very close to him. I am not close to most people actually. Ahhhh i dont know how to explain. I just want to be there.

You never know what might happen next.