I have all these thoughts in my mind but when I try to put them down in words it's hard and I get lazy. Bleh.
Haha lol almost forgot what I wanted to blog about initially seeeeeeee omg.
I'm starting to dislike studying. The thought of quitting school keeps coming up bleh wherever did I get that idea from. I mean I love attending lectures and learning about cool new stuffs. Like how taking mrt can be a form of trigger for irritable bowel syndrome ahahahaha. But I always drift in and out. Like the whole lecture I would only catch some things but they are not enough to stay in my brain because they cannot form into something I really understand. Like I know myeloma but I dont know anything about it. Get it? I hate how I would be like "oooooooooooooh omg so cool" but then I forget about it awhile later. Seriously.
And I hate assignments. Just did a report but I know nuts about it. Im not even concern about my grades anymore. I still wish for good grades but wishing is not the same as being concern and doing something to get my grades up. Last minute work. I can say im just depending on luck. Oh god what is happening to me.
Travel. Coffee. Books. Films. Roaming. Adventure. Exploration. Soul mates.
I feel so suffocated even when I've done nothing significant.
“I have always, essentially, been waiting. Waiting to become something else, waiting to be that person I always thought I was on the verge of becoming, waiting for that life I thought I would have. In my head, I was always one step away. In high school, I was biding my time until I could become the college version of myself, the one my mind could see so clearly. In college, the post-college “adult” person was always looming in front of me, smarter, stronger, more organized. Then the married person, then the person I’d become when we have kids. For twenty years, literally, I have waited to become the thin version of myself, because that’s when life will really begin. And through all that waiting, here I am. My life is passing, day by day, and I am waiting for it to start. I am waiting for that time, that person, that event when my life will finally begin.”
“I have always, essentially, been waiting. Waiting to become something else, waiting to be that person I always thought I was on the verge of becoming, waiting for that life I thought I would have. In my head, I was always one step away. In high school, I was biding my time until I could become the college version of myself, the one my mind could see so clearly. In college, the post-college “adult” person was always looming in front of me, smarter, stronger, more organized. Then the married person, then the person I’d become when we have kids. For twenty years, literally, I have waited to become the thin version of myself, because that’s when life will really begin. And through all that waiting, here I am. My life is passing, day by day, and I am waiting for it to start. I am waiting for that time, that person, that event when my life will finally begin.”
| — |
Shauna Niequist
|
No comments:
Post a Comment