#301

I wish the life I imagine would just start already. I am a much better speaker, so much more braver in my mind. Chit chatting with my mum and sis just now and we came across this topic and i told my mum she can depend on me in the future. And she said i dont give her the security, im too blur. Ahhhhhhh. :( I really hope i would stop giving off this vibe. :( I try but when i have to open my mouth and interact with people, everything sucks.

I learnt to keep my mouth shut. But it had gone on for so long i cant even manage a basic conversation.

#300

I wish i can say i wish you all the best but then i would be lying. I fucking hate maple. Hurts so fucking much everything falls away. Yuan lai dou shi wo yi xiang qing yuan. I must be a damn laughing stock omfg. I want to get away from here. Need. Forever is bullshit. Forever only means until you found someone else. I give up on love.

#299

Found myself tearing while studying. While listening to fan wei qi's zui zhong yao de jue ding. Totally random.... Thought of you saying i never treated you like my best friend, the first time you said im your best friend, and your "byebye best friend".

#298

And i think of the cute faces you gave me. Your wink, your scruched up nose, your sweet smile, you pouting with those mesmerizing eyes. How you used to give me massages.... How i'll never get to experience them all ever again. Let go Let go Let go. They are all gone.

#297

For a period of time I copied down all your messages, including our quarrels. I didnt think it could still hurt that much. I was wrong. Headache puffy eyes.

#296 Goodbye my love

I wonder if you knew I replied that yes, I would be your girlfriend at 8.28am on 8 August 2011.
It was before Cell Biology lecture started. My classmate asked why was I beaming to myself while I waited till 8.28 to send the message. I didnt realise my emotions showed on my face so obviously. The message already typed out, just waiting for me to press send. I thought a nice number would be nice. Haha.

I wonder if you knew I update this blog because of you. I mean, I update it to keep a record of my life for future me as well, but mostly, I think of you. I blogged with the notion that you're going to read them. Did you know that blogger now has this function where you can see how many views your blog has today?
Some days I have 20 views. Some days I have 1 view. When that day only has 1 view, I imagined you being too busy in camp to check my blog.

I wonder if you realised I unfollowed you on twitter. I did it the morning after the night I saw you at the flyer for FrightFest with another girl. I set my mind that night that I would stop stalking you, J, E.

That didnt stop my imagination from running wild though.

I realised your dad never liked any of our photos. He liked the one in the club, you at USS with them.

Recently, it's getting worse again. The indirect stalking. Your last seen on whatsapp.

I wonder if you tell them about us, about me. You and your friends are probably laughing at how pathetic I am. You'all probably hate me.

I realised I dont know you at all from the 11 months we were together. You prefer taking the bus to mrt. We always take the mrt when we went out. I dont know what's your favourite shade of blue.

I think I may be emotionless. The class had a discussion about people being emotionless during gen ed on wednesday.

Maybe you dont read my blog.

Will be changing my url tomorrow morning. This way I wont "blog for you". This way I'll be free. Maybe. Maybe not.

2. There is nothing original about this.

Anything your partner says or does to you, they have said or done to someone else, possibly as recently as this morning. That barista who wrote his or her phone number on your coffee cup has done so to a dozen other patrons. Those silky smooth lines have been perfected over time, have worked on countless occasions before. Anyone who appears out of nowhere with an express intention of wooing you is playing those same cards every night of the week. Often, they’ll even tell you about people they’re attracted to and flirt with people right in front of you. This is not some ironic display of affection or an attempt to play it cool, it is a blatant form of disrespect. You are special, don’t settle for someone who doesn’t know that.

Read more at http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/12-things-ive-learned-by-avoiding-relationships/#8qf3OM7ckwy59r8r.99 



I cannot stand this. I cannot disregard this no matter how hard I try. I tell myself I'm special. I'm not. You've done that, said that before, you'll do it again. I just want it to be mine, and only mine. No before. But everyone has someone else before you. Everyone has a past. Until I can accept that, I guess Im cursed to be alone.

With this, I'll try to bury you somewhere deep inside my heart.

#295

I love Samuel in The Lovely Bones.